I have just finished Alain Badiou‘s Saint Paul: The Foundation of Universalism and I have to say that this book has changed my way of thinking, at least as it pertains to Paul. I have found that after reading influential books like Badiou’s or going through a particular life changing event, my theology changes as much as my reading habits. Although a refined theology is something I am proud of, it’s almost as if I am riding a seesaw which in constantly in motion. Sometimes I am high and confident, and sometimes I am at the bottom after the other person jumps off. We all know how that feels.

I have been throwing so many thoughts around in my head lately, questioning my life, what I believe, while still attempting to stay faithful to what I believe to be true. Its like I am an abstract splatter painting, you know, the ones that are all messy because the artist just flicks paint at them violently until it becomes something completely different. In the end though, I have to make the decision whether or not I am just a canvas getting harassed, or if I am more than that: a work of art.

I find myself in the same situation as the man who emerges from Plato’s cave; I find sanctuary in the Christ who steps out of the tomb; the Paul whose world is shattered on the Damascus road. Good company.

At some point in our lives, we all are on a seesaw; in limbo between belief and unbelief, between sanity and lunacy. Luckly, no one can properly seesaw without another. Thank God that I have others to take the ride with me. Collective insecurity is far better.

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